Irrelevant, boring, inconsequential, but mainly stupid otherwise:

#26 Saints:  I have nothing funny to say, haven’t the good people of New Orleans suffered enough already? They don’t need my stupid jokes, that’s for shit sure

Has there been more smoke surrounding the Saints than any other team? Just a slew of miniature fires happening, all around Sean Payton, Taysom Hill playing tight end AND quarterback, Brees retiring, losing in the playoffs when they shouldn’t have, Brandin Cooks being traded away, Michael Thomas being severely injured recently, Marshon Lattimore getting arrested for possession of a loaded handgun, Alvin Kamara’s legs being different lengths, your cap space, the courting of Derek Carr; this all adds up to the Saints being an incredibly weird team that collects more TMZ reports and rap sheets than wins. There are always great players to pick out, Chris Olave, CJ Gardner-Johnson, Marcus Davenport, and Tre’Quan Smith.

But the Saints had their time, they had their guy and failed to get him to a second Super Bowl exactly like the Packers and Aaron Rodgers. Drew isn’t walking through that door again, and he never will. You made your bed with Carr and the rest is all just set dressing. I’m not really sure I should write anything else, the NFC South should be relegated and replaced with some SEC teams, just to make things interesting. Why not, you get a ratings boost, and it would be fun to see what happens.

Instead of watching any more Saints football, let’s all agree to stick to LSU and rewatch “Treme” on HBO. Ignoring the Saints is what the people of Louisiana did before and get to do again now, as nature intended.

Like who gives a shit about this team after the Brees era anyways, let’s be honest with each other reader, this team will honestly never win again in the 20-ish years of planet Earth we all collectively have left, before we boil in hot seawater as the oceans rise. Why do I care about Derek Carr, he’s bad, like have you seen polling in swing states lately? Why do we just let a handful of morons decide the fate of the free world and democracy every single time and expect things to not blow up in our faces? Is polling even a real thing, or is it a pseudoscience that we need to ignore and ban permanently?

These are more important and pressing issues, planning on leaving the US forever and never coming back is what we should be doing and not offseason Saints analysis. Fuck that, I can’t think about anything else, who has the time or energy to get into whether Derek Carr is good enough to win a playoff game, we all know he isn’t, let’s just focus on phone banking the Rust Belt. Sorry, Louisiana.

Now I can hear you saying, or typing loudly, “Jared, you only seem to favor big cities that have a lot of hip people in them” and to that, I say yes, yes I do. Because they have all the important things we need, like youth, freedom, ideas, jobs, industries, and all of the money for our economy that then gets pissed away on the military-industrial complex and ultimately funds Kentucky and Mississippi’s piss-poor education system. If it wasn’t for the millions of actually smart people in Washington, California, and New York propping the rest of you up, who is going to pay for things? Wyoming???

One could argue that not letting literally all genders and races vote until recently in our history, and then not letting a majority of the populace actually decide a winner for president, is and has never been a true democracy……………………….one could argue. And, one could argue, that the best things to come out of Louisiana are just carryovers from other cultures, but sure let’s pretend Louisiana matters whatsoever. It doesn’t. I’ll never go there and soon the one good city, New Orleans, will be swallowed whole by the Gulf of Mexico tragically, and then nobody in charge will learn any lessons other than “empty flattery tends to just work most of the time.” Works for mass shootings will work for anything, somehow.

The Saints will be bad forever, but nobody really cares because LSU needs to be better.

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Smartest teams with recent rings to show for it:
1 – Chiefs
2 – Rams
3 – Eagles

Mostly lucky but somewhat wise/savvy:
4 – Ravens
5 – Texans
6 – Packers
7 – Steelers
8 – Bengals
9 – Bucs
10 – Lions
11 – Seahawks

Dumb AND evil, what a combo!:
12 – 49ers
13 – Browns
14 – Cowboys
15 – Patriots
16 – Commanders

Unlucky/cursed but smarter than the remaining AFC East teams:
17 – Bears
18 – Vikings
19 – Chargers

Real questionable buffoonery since 1973, also known as the AFC East:
20 – Bills
21 – Dolphins
22 – My Stupid Jets

Irrelevant, boring, inconsequential, but mainly stupid otherwise:
23 – Colts
24 – Jaguars
25 – Cardinals