Irrelevant, boring, inconsequential, but mainly stupid otherwise:

#27 Da Rrrrrrrrrrraiderrrrrrrrssssssss:  you know, from Oakland then LA then Oakland then LA then Oakland then Las Vegas

Now you stepped in it. You big dummies. Big ol’ dumb dumbs.

Yeah this will
end well for em pic.twitter.com/Iohlx82Baz

—
Andy Holloway (@andyholloway) July
26, 2024

Habitual line stepper Al Davis is rolling over in his grave at the sight of his son’s haircut. Not even the job Mark is doing, but just what he looks like. Is that a wig? Did he lose a fight with a lawnmower? This is very well-trodden territory, but we had to start there. A once historically significant, important, and fucking cool-as-shit franchise that meant something has turned into a team who drafts the fastest player… the fastest to be exiled from the league that is! *crowd laughs, claps*

They just crumbled in that one Super Bowl to Jon Gruden and you’ve all folded ever since. The curse of Gruden continues to haunt the Raiders and the league, whether he be employed by the Raiders or not. I hope they go bankrupt.

How are things going recently? Not great! Your failure to hire interim Rich Bisaccia when he got you to the playoffs in that one disaster of a season resulted in a different curse that struck Mark Davis. I mean, on top of the Gruden email scandal curse, the tuck rule game curse, and the curse you picked up from a witch from the woods, who hexed Mark into becoming a feral ghoul whose skin is just peeling off after spending so much time in the Nevada desert frying alive.

I can almost hear Mark now, yelling in his office at some poor executive season after season. “Khalil Mack? Get rid of him. Derek Carr? Get rid of him. Amari Cooper? Get rid of him. Josh Jacobs? Get rid of him. Hunter Renfrow? Get rid of him. Henry Ruggs? Get rid of him.”

All you have left over (of people who weren’t total busts that I elected to skip) are the rookies from last year, Aidan O’Connell, fantasy handcuff Zamir White, and Maxx Crosby. Crosby is legit, anyone with that last name is automatically good somehow. But the Joffrey Baratheon of the NFL, the child king-in-charge, demands speed and flash, and now Brock Bowers! And the king gets what he wants and will throw a temper tantrum when it inevitably doesn’t work out. Also, I spelled Joffrey Baratheon right without having to look it up, if you want to know what kind of a person I am.

What’s infuriating about democracy and the nature of having a job under capitalism is that “job preservation” is always going to creep in and just sort of ruin smart decision-making. You can’t invest and be patient anymore. Any employee, general manager, or C-suite executive will always choose their own ass over the long-term health of the company/team they’re in charge of looking after. ‘Oh, should I pass laws to help my citizens? Nah I gotta keep my job going forward, time to phone bank and bend the knee to corporate donors!’ ‘Should I go with the long-term health of this corporation or slash and burn for some short-term profit and good quarterly earnings?’ ‘Oh shoot, if I don’t fire the head coach or place blame somewhere else for this poor roster, I’m out of a job! Better sign Kirk Cousins to a mega deal to tread water so I can keep my health insurance!’

You can’t just stomach a full tank or rebuild, owners think they’re smart because they’re wealthy and have no patience for a years-long investment in improving. Quick fix now, mass layoffs, stock ticks up, rinse, and repeat until you sell everything for more money somehow. America, yay!

King George got to reign for a while and make all the calls from top to bottom, for better or worse. And that’s just Mark Davis in a nutshell, the guy who went mad when he held onto power for too long (probably no incest with the Davis family, so that’s a feather in their cap compared to the royal monarchy). Being in charge for a long time can work if you’re FDR, and have several terms to right the country, look into the future, and do some good work for the common man. But most of the time, you just get a moron who owns a team forever and then you become the Dallas Cowboys for 30 years but with less fanfare. King Jerry rules with an iron fist and he’ll be DAMNED if he doesn’t do things his way (which is losing). Or, you could just cycle through head coaches and QBs and GMs every four years Presidential election style, and get nothing accomplished that way either. Mark Davis chose that option.

Wow, that was a mixed metaphor that went on for a while, what can I say that will make people happy about this team……..

Everybody loves your new stadium! So that’s cool, I guess. At least you all have that to look forward to, for a while, until it morphs into the James Dolan-owned Sphere and gets run by a lifeless AI. That’s typically how things work now, they let algorithms ruin good things until they are bad. Innovation in this country is dead. Sorry, country scam. Remember when we used to build things? And then Frank Sobotka said that in season two of “The Wire”? He was right, he knew what was coming.

That story is 100% true, you know there was a coin flip in some board room or meeting room. Oh my God, you people truly are brain-dead idiots. Holy shit, I could run an NFL franchise better than most of these teams, quick give me a quarter I can flip. Just throw darts at a board, copy the homework from other people’s mock drafts, and I could be paid millions to do what these dopes do. How do you let this news leak?

Read more here!

Smartest teams with recent rings to show for it:
1 – Chiefs
2 – Rams
3 – Eagles

Mostly lucky but somewhat wise/savvy:
4 – Ravens
5 – Texans
6 – Packers
7 – Steelers
8 – Bengals
9 – Bucs
10 – Lions
11 – Seahawks

Dumb AND evil, what a combo!:
12 – 49ers
13 – Browns
14 – Cowboys
15 – Patriots
16 – Commanders

Unlucky/cursed but smarter than the remaining AFC East teams:
17 – Bears
18 – Vikings
19 – Chargers

Real questionable buffoonery since 1973, also known as the AFC East:
20 – Bills
21 – Dolphins
22 – My Stupid Jets

Irrelevant, boring, inconsequential, but mainly stupid otherwise:
23 – Colts
24 – Jaguars
25 – Cardinals
26 – Saints