Every NFL Team, Ranked From Smartest To Dumbest: Giants

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  • By Jared Russo

    Dunce cap-wearing teams, just dumber than a bag of bricks:

    #29 New York Football Giants: not to be confused with the New York Baseball Giants who moved to San Francisco

    Boy oh boy, what do I say about this team that hasn’t already been said about the current state of US politics, just a downhill slope of apathy and corruption, run by the worst of the worst. As a native New Yorker, I’ve seen plenty of guys go on to play great football… somewhere else. Odell Beckham Jr., Ereck Flowers, Landon Collins, Evan Engram, Saquon Barkley for the Eagles this year, and Eli Apple (well maybe not him but you get my point).

    This entire organization used to mean something. They weren’t always the best, but at least you could understand and respect the decisions they made. That is, until Tom Coughlin and Eli Manning left, and in came Ben McAdoo/Pat Shurmur/Joe Judge/Dave Gettleman. The Gettleman era, in particular, was so utterly devastating, that it’s hard to fathom how a single man could cause so much damage to a once esteemed institution [insert Trump joke here].

    Gettleman very famously did the dumbest thing imaginable at every turn, a slow-moving train wreck that we all saw coming and couldn’t help but watch in awe as it just… happened anyway. He traded up for Deandre Baker in 2019 and he was cut the next year. He took Daniel Jones over a bunch of better options when everybody was able to peg him as a total dud even before he joined the team. A Mitch Trubisky 2.0 if I’ve ever seen. Dexter Lawrence, I can’t knock, but whiffing on the 2020 and 2021 drafts resulted in Kadarius Toney leaving and good ol’ Dave passing on Micah Parsons. Don’t forget Golden Tate (suspended) and Kenny Golladay’s big deal (he was cut).

    A horrific slate of picks, some awful years and seasons fans had to endure. The madness then summarily ended in 2022 when Joe Schoen and Brian Daboll came to save the day! Brian (Daboll, not Flores) coached this team up to a playoff berth, he outcoached the fraudulent Vikings and everyone sort of just nodded their heads along in approval. Sure, I guess this works, Darius Slayton is pretty good, Kayvon Thibodeaux is a beast, Jones might not totally suck…

    …well the bottom fell out and the truth was revealed. That was just a flash in the pan! It didn’t actually happen, it was all a myth, and this team has been made of pure garbage all along. Surprise, Jones actually does suck and this team has no idea what it’s doing and hasn’t since the Super Bowl core aged out of relevance. There really isn’t much to dissect, they’re just a typical dumb team that never had a QB plan after Manning, who thought Evan Neal and Wan’Dale Robinson would be worthwhile, and I couldn’t tell you a single guy they took last year or this year without looking it up but I’m positive those were all mistakes as well.

    Sorry Malik Nabers, you were so close to catching balls from Justin Herbert and now you have to put up with nonsense until 2025 at the earliest. What a bummer this whole team is. Like how did they win a playoff game more recently than the Saints, Browns, Seahawks, Vikings, Titans, Chargers, Colts, Patriots, Falcons, Steelers, Broncos, Panthers, Cardinals, Bears, Jets, Commanders, Raiders, and Dolphins? How the hell did that happen, Daniel Jones is a total schmo, a schmuck on wheels, did I hallucinate that playoff win? Should I move this team up in the rankings or just leave them here?

    Okay, I might move them down, holy smokes dude. I can come up with best-case scenarios for most of the teams on this list, including the teams ranked beneath the Giants, but for this dumbass team, I can not think of a single positive outcome other than cutting the dead weight, refusing to pay Jones’ contract, getting the number one pick, or inventing a time machine to go back and sign Barkley and not draft Jones. Clown show, run by circus freaks in the Meadowlands. Negative one trillion IQ points for taking Jones and just paying him “the market rate” because of the least impressive playoff win I’ve ever seen with my own eyes.

    Loathsome dog water.

    Read more here!
    Smartest teams with recent rings to show for it:
    1 – Chiefs
    2 – Rams
    3 – Eagles
    Mostly lucky but somewhat wise/savvy:
    4 – Ravens
    5 – Texans
    6 – Packers
    7 – Steelers
    8 – Bengals
    9 – Bucs
    10 – Lions
    11 – Seahawks
    Dumb AND evil, what a combo!:
    12 – 49ers
    13 – Browns
    14 – Cowboys
    15 – Patriots
    16 – Commanders
    Unlucky/cursed but smarter than the remaining AFC East teams:
    17 – Bears
    18 – Vikings
    19 – Chargers
    Real questionable buffoonery since 1973, also known as the AFC East:
    20 – Bills
    21 – Dolphins
    22 – My Stupid Jets
    Irrelevant, boring, inconsequential, but mainly stupid otherwise:
    23 – Colts
    24 – Jaguars
    25 – Cardinals
    26 – Saints
    27 – Raiders
    28 – Titans
    August 21, 2024, 10:20 am