Mostly lucky but somewhat wise/savvy:

#7 Steelers: black and gold, here we go

Oh, so you want to make jokes about the Steelers, do ya? These are the Pittsburgh fucking Steelers, you probably root for the Vikings or Panthers or some shit. People would kill to have the level of success decade in and decade out this franchise has. They’ve been through three head coaches since 1969 and each one is going to the Hall of Fame or is already there.

Another franchise that is holier than thou, Art Rooney’s blue-collar Steelers never seem to be totally out of it, and for good reason. That reason is Mike Tomlin, the third-best head coach in the league (sorry Harbaugh brothers), a man who constantly drags his squad over the finish line with grit and determination. He’s the best at taking mediocre rosters and players and turning them into something worthwhile. Yes, he hasn’t won since 2008, but anyone who wants this man fired needs their head examined. The GM needs to be at fault, not Tomlin, not ever. He sees problematic hotheads and gets rid of them. He’s a genius for knowing Antonio Brown would blow up in somebody’s face, and he wasn’t going to make it his. Every team should be doing their best to woo him away from Pittsburgh, Tomlin is NFL royalty compared to most of the schmucks that fail upwards into head coaching jobs these days.

Without Big Ben, though, this team underachieves, and aggressively so. The reason they underachieve is because they like, refuse to invest in a good quarterback. You know, the most important position in sports. Turns out, most of the teams in the league have this problem, and they really should invest more to fix that problem. But otherwise, you can’t knock the structure this team keeps year in and year out. Just an ironclad resiliency, a real deal organization all the way down, and when they inevitably keep the streak going of no losing records, you’ll be wishing your favorite team does the same. Although it’s hard to stomach all the seven seed/wildcard flameouts. That spot could have been for some other bad team, like the Dolphins, Jets, or Jaguars!

Historically, the Steelers are the best at drafting ever. Bar none. They’re the best, always have been, and are still pretty flipping good now. Future Jet Le’Veon Bell, Bud Dupree in the 1st, Javon Hargrave in the 3rd, JJ Watt in the 1st, JuJu Smith-Schuster in the 2nd, Cameron Sutton in the 3rd, James Conner in the 3rd, Devin Bush in the 1st, Diontae Johnson in the 3rd, Chase Claypool in the 2nd, Najee Harris in the 1st, Pat Freiermuth in the 2nd, George Pickens in the 2nd, Broderick Jones in the 1st, Joey Porter in the 2nd, Troy Fautanu this year, Roman Wilson in the 3rd, and so many hall of famers from the ‘70s and ‘80s I could include. They keep their high draft picks, don’t mess around with them, and take good players. They cut bait when they need to, and are such a stable franchise it makes me mad thinking about all of that success going to people in rural Pennsylvania instead of New York City.

But they cannot figure out the QB situation for the life of them and haven’t since Big Ben’s arms turned into noodles later in his career. They know how to move on from guys like Chase Claypool and Darrius Heyward-Bey before it’s too late, but can’t figure out Mason Rudolph is a chump? I expect the Russell Wilson experiment to go poorly, he’s most likely washed up with the Legion of Boom to make him look better than he is. Still can’t get over Justin Fields costing nothing, why didn’t more teams swoop in on him, I’ll never know. The Jets should have thrown in a 5th for him.

You had like a full decade to find a replacement for Roethlisberger and couldn’t, and he turned out to be a total creep who I cannot legally call a rapist and am not saying because I do not want to go to court for libel. Hey let’s quickly forget that I said that and watch this video over and over because it’s so cheesy and corny!

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Smartest teams with recent rings to show for it:
1 – Chiefs
2 – Rams
3 – Eagles

Mostly lucky but somewhat wise/savvy:
4 – Ravens
5 – Texans
6 – Packers